How To Prevent A Rare Gorilla From Becoming Extinct

A small zoo in Kentucky obtained a very rare species of
gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became
very difficult to handle.

Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem.
The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no
male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the zoo keeper thought of
Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for
cleaning the animal cages.

Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but
possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The zoo keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee
was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to
mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to
think the matter over carefully. The following day, he
announced that he would accept their offer, but only under
four conditions:

“First”, Bobby Lee said, “I ain’t gonna kiss her on the
lips.” The keeper quickly agreed to this condition

“Second”, he said, “You can’t never tell no one about this.”
The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

“Third”, Bobby Lee said, “I want all the children raised
Southern Baptist.” Once again it was agreed.

And last, Bobby Lee said “I’ll need another week to come up
with the $500.00.”

Personal Ads

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish – 49
Adventurous – Slept with everyone
Athletic – No tits
Average looking – Ugly
Beautiful – Pathological liar
Contagious Smile – Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure – On medication
Feminist – Fat
Free spirit – Junkie
Friendship first – Former very *friendly* person
Fun – Annoying
New Age – Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded – Desperate
Outgoing – Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate – Sloppy drunk
Professional – Bitch
Voluptuous – Very Fat
Large frame – Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate – Stalker

WOMEN’S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you’ll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you’re in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You’re very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN’S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let’s have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don’t go with that outfit = I’m gay
And finally…..

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features. However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.