Shopping Scam: I Have Learned My Lesson

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.

Here’s how the scam works.

Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say “No” and instead ask you for a ride to another shopping center. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen on December 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, & 24th. Also January 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, then on the 22rd, & 23rd and very likely this coming weekend.

You Could Have This Job

When you have a ‘I Hate My Job’ day, try this: On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains
and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.

Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on
a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read
it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

‘Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested
and then sanitized’.

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, ‘I am so glad I do
not work in the thermometer quality control at Johnson & Johnson.’

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB
THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE A** THAN YOURS……………………

Dog Talk

Dog Talk
=========

A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he
sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house:
“Talking Dog For Sale.”

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog
is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a
nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog speak,
he says, “So, what’s your story?”

The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could
talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government,
so I told them. In no time at all they had me jetting from
country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world
leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years
running.

“But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I
wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I
signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover
security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening
in.

“I uncovered some incredible stuff and was awarded a bunch of
medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just
retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he
wants for the dog.

“Ten dollars,” the guy says.

“Ten dollars?! This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you
selling him so cheap?”

“Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that stuff.”