Today’s Joke: Bobby Lee Walton and The Gorilla

First Several Reminders:

1. This is a joke

2. When in doubt re-read number 1

3. I see em, I laugh, I publish… If  you don’t like it, publish your own.

GORILLA AND THE REDNECK

A small zoo in South Carolina obtained a very rare species of gorilla.

Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem.  The gorilla was
in heat.  To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a
redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages.  Bobby
Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to
satisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution.  Bobby Lee was approached
with a proposition.  Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for
$500.00?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter
over carefully.  The following day, he announced that he would accept their
offer, but only under five conditions:

“First”, Bobby Lee said, “I ain’t gonna kiss her on the lips.”  The Keeper
quickly agreed to this condition.

“Second”, he said, “She must wear a ‘Dale Earnhardt Forever’ T-Shirt.”

The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

“Third”, he said, “you can’t never tell no one about this.”  The keeper
again readily agreed to this condition.

“Fourth”, Bobby Lee said, “I want all the children raised Southern Baptist.”
Once again it was agreed.

“And last,” Bobby Lee said, “I’ll need another week to come up with the
$500.00.”

Today’s Joke: The Talking Clock

After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly

showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends.

He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big

brass gong and a mallet.

‘What’s up with the big brass gong?’ one of the guests asked.

‘It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock,’ the drunk replied.

‘A talking clock? Seriously?’ asked his astonished friend.

‘Yup,’ replied the drunk.

‘How’s it work?’ the friend asked, squinting at it.

‘Watch,’ the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the

gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. .

The three stood looking at one another for a moment…….

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,

‘You asshole! It’s three-fifteen in the morning!