Todays Joke: The Talking Lab

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in

front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale.’

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

 

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever

sitting there.

‘You talk?’ he asks.

‘Yep,’ the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says

‘So, what’s your story?’

The Lab looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I

was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms

with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be

eavesdropping.’

 

‘I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the

jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any

younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do

some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening

in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.’

 

‘I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.’

 

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for

the dog.

 

‘Ten dollars,’ the guy says.

 

‘Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so

cheap?’

 

‘Because he’s a Democrat and a liar. He never did any of that shit.

 

 

Todays Joke: Sell My Stuff

One lazy Sunday morning the wife and I were quiet and thoughtful, sitting around the breakfast table when I said to her unexpectedly,

“When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff, immediately.”
“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.

“I figure a woman as fine as yourself would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other asshole using my stuff.”

She looked at me intently and said: “What makes you think I’d marry another asshole?”