Todays No Joke: The Difference Between Grandmothers and Grandfathers …Surprise

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers? Well, here it is: There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son’s family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time — just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, however, he had a bad cold and really didn’t feel like being up at all. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for the drive.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. “Well, did you enjoy your ride with
grandma?” he asked.

“Oh, yes, Pap Pap, it was really wonderful. We didn’t see a single asshole, piece of crap, horse’s ass, blind bastard, dipshit, Muslim goat humper or son of a bitch anywhere we went!”

Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?

Todays Joke: Socially Unacceptable Humor …Adult

Socially Unacceptable Humor ( If you think these are bad …don’t ask me to publish the ones I deleted)

 

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.  I said “You’re pulling my leg.”

Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt!  Do you think I should change dentists

 

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.  She said she would like to come back as a cow.

I said, “You’re obviously not listening”.

 

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.  So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.

 

At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa!!!

 

One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells. It appears that “Mexicans” is not the correct answer either.

 

A buddy of mine just told me he’s getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said “How can you tell them apart?”  He said “Her brother’s got a mustache.”

 

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, “I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled.” To which she replied, “No, it’s regular-people porn, you sick bastard.

 

 

 

Todays Adult Joke – Breakfast

I woke up this morning, got dressed and went in the kitchen where my wife was already fixing breakfast.

I looked to see what she was cooking, and I see one of my socks in the frying pan.

“What are you doing?” I asked her.

She said “I’m doing what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed very drunk,” she replied.

Completely puzzled, I walked away thinking to myself,

“I really don’t remember asking her to cook my sock…”