Todays Joke: Frank Feldman

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. As he gets into the taxi, the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.”

Passenger: “Who”?

Cabbie: Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.

Passenger: There are always a few clouds over everybody.

Cabbie: Not, Frank Feldman, He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.

Passenger: Sound like he was something really special.

Cabbie: There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me, if I change a fuse, the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.

Passenger: Wow, some guy huh.

Cabbie: He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But, Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman to make her feel special. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong, and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.

Passenger: An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?

Cabbie: Well…….I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his friggin wife.

Todays No Joke: An Exception Letter from The IRS

I just received my tax return back from the IRS. It puzzles me!!! They are questioning how many dependents I claimed. I guess it was because of my response to the question: “List all dependents?”

I replied:
12 million illegal immigrants;
3 million crack heads;
42 million unemployed people on food stamps,
2 million people in over 243 prisons;
half of Mexico;
535 people in the U.S. House and Senate
and 1 President.

Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO DID I MISS?

Todays No Joke: Trump on Dumbo Care

Donald Trump on Dumbo Care

Let me get this straight . . … 
We’re going to be “gifted” with a health care
plan we are forced to purchase and
fined if we don’t, 
Which purportedly covers at least
ten million more people,
without adding a single new doctor,
but provides for 16,000 new IRS agents, 
written by a committee whose chairman 
says he doesn’t understand it
passed by a Congress that didn’t read it but
exempted themselves from it, 
and signed by a Dumbo President who smokes
with funding administered by a treasury chief who
didn’t pay his taxes
for which we’ll be taxed for four years before any
benefits take effect, 
by a government which has 
already bankrupted Social Security and Medicare, 
all to be overseen by a surgeon general 
who is obese
and financed by a country that’s broke!!!!!

 

‘What could possibly go wrong?’