Todays No Joke: An Obnoxious Woman, A Nice Guy, The Guy Gets Fired

Two hours into my first day of work as a Wal-Mart greeter, an ugly woman came in with her two kids.

Hearing her swear at them, I said, ‘Good morning, welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice kids, are they twins?’

The mom answered, ‘Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’s 7. Why would you think they’re twins? Are you blind or stupid?’

I replied, ‘I’m not blind or stupid. I just couldn’t believe someone slept with you twice.

Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.’ My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work!

Todays Joke: What Happens When We Forget The Woman Is Always Right

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

– “What do you think you’re doing?” asks the wife.

– “They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans” he replies.

– “Put them back, we can’t afford them” demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

– “What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband.

– “It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: “So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it’s half the price.”

That’s him on Aisle 5 – he never knew what hit him…