1. The later you are, the more excited your Dog is to see you.
2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another Dog’s name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor.
4. Dogs’ Parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a Dog; they’re ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re pissed.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. Dogs won’t wake you up at night to ask: “If I died, would you get another Dog?”
10. When you drop a silent one, Dogs don’t run around frantically with room spray.
11. Dogs never tell you to stop scratching your balls. Instead, they sit pondering why you don’t lick ’em.
12. Dogs will let you put a studded collar on, without calling you a freak.
13. If a Dog smells another Dog on you, it won’t kick you in the crotch; it just finds it interesting.
14. If a Dog runs off and leaves you, it won’t take half your stuff.
To verify these statements: Lock your Wife and your Dog in the garage for an hour.
Then open the door, and observe who’s happy to see you!