No Joke – Times Up

times upA 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked “Is my time up?”

God said, “No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”

Upon recovery,since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. The woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in
and change her hair color and brighten her teeth.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 33 years?

Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?”

God replied, “I didn’t recognize you

No Joke – A Letter From Grandma

Grandma-drivingGot a letter from Grandma the other day.

She writes: Today I went up to a local Christian bookstore and
saw a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just
come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a
thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it
on my bumper. I was stopped at a red light at a busy
intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good
He is, and I didn’t notice that the light had changed. It is a
good thing someone else loves Jesus, because if he hadn’t
honked, I’d never have noticed! I found that lots of people
love Jesus!

Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind me started
honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and
screamed, “For the love of God! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, go!”
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and
started wavin and smiling at all these loving people. I even
honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must
have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yell something about a “sunny beach”…

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle
finger stuck up in the air. Then I asked my teenage grandson
in the back seat what that meant, and he said that it was
probably a Hawaiian good luck sign, or something. Well, I’ve
never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out of the window
and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out
laughing…Why, even he was enjoying this religious
experience!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the
moment that they got out of their cars and started walking
towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I
attended, but this is when I noticed that the light had
changed. So, I waved to all of my brothers and sisters,
grinned, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through before the
light changed again, and I felt kind of sad that I had to
leave them after all of the love that we had shared, so I
slowed the car down, leaned out of the window, and gave them
all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Love, Grandma