I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill.
Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn’t what they had in mind.
After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Dave woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That’s when he realized he had
made it home safely.
“ITS A BOY” I shouted, “A BOY, I DON’T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY”. And with tears streaming down my face I swore I’d never visit
another Thai Brothel!
A boy asks his granny,
“Have you seen my pills, they were labeled LSD?”
Granny replies, “F**k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?”
Wife gets naked and asks hubby,
“What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?”
Hubby looks her up and down and replies,
“Your sense of humor!”
The wife’s back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I’d slept with.
I told her, “Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!”
My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed,
“I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!”
“Oh,” I replied, “so now you want me to stay!”
I’ve just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she’s moving during sex.