Little Johnny – Too Smart for First Grade

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, “Johnny what is your problem?”
Johnny answered, “I’m too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!”
The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal’s office.
While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed.
Johnny was brought in and the conditions are explained to him and he agrees to take the test.

Principal: “What is 3 x 3?” Johnny: “9”.
Principal: “What is 6 x 6?” Johnny: “36”. And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know.
The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, “I think Johnny can go to the third grade.”
The teacher says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions”

The principal and Johnny both agree.
The teacher asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”
Johnny, after a moment, “Legs.”
Teacher: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny replied, “Pockets.”
Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
Johnny: “Pants”
Teacher: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of excitement?”
Johnny: “Firetruck”
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I missed the last four questions myself.”

No Joke – The Truth About Elections

f God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
~Jay Leno~
 
The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
~Henry Cate VII~
 
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office
~Aesop~
 
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven.
~Will Rogers~
 
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
~ Nikita Khrushchev~
 
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it.
~Clarence Darrow~
 
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
~Author unknown~
 
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the
tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
~John Quinton~
 
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign
funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
~Oscar Ameringer~
 
I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about
us, I will stop telling the truth about them.
~Adlai Stevenson,  1952~
 
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~ Tex Guinan~
 
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle~
 
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be
better to change the locks.
~Doug Larson~
 
There ought to be one day — just one — when there is open season on Congressmen.
~Will Rogers~