Entries Tagged 'Adult Jokes' ↓
Todays Joke: A Picture Is A Thousand Words
April 19th, 2012 — Adult Jokes, Funny, Joke, Joke Library, Jokes for Men, Jokes for Women, No Joke, Senior Jokes
Nursing Home Sex – PG13
February 23rd, 2012 — Adult Jokes, Joke, Joke Library, Jokes for Men, Jokes for Women, Senior Jokes
Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home.
Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed.
After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, ‘Do you know what I miss most of all?’
She asks, ‘What?’
‘Sex!!’ he replies
Mildred exclaims, ‘Why you old fart. You couldn’t get it up if I held a gun to your head!’
‘I know,’ Harold says, ‘but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while.’
Well, I can oblige,’ says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold’s manhood.
Then one night Harold didn’t show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K.
She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold’s manhood!
Furious, Mildred yelled, ‘You two-timing son of a bitch! What does Ethel have that I don’t have?’
Old Harold smiled happily and replied, ‘Parkinson’s.’
Stuttering Cat – as explained by a Grade 4 student
November 10th, 2011 — Adult Jokes, Funny, Joke, Joke Library, Jokes for Men, Jokes for Women
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. “Human beings are the only animals that stutter,” she says.
A little girl raises her hand. “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.”
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
“Well,” she began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!”
“That must’ve been scary,” said the teacher.
“It sure was,” said the little girl.
“My kitty raised her back, went ‘Ffffff!, Ffffff!, Fffffff,’ but before she could say ‘FUCK’ the Rottweiler ate her!”
The teacher had to leave the room.