Today’s Joke Means When We Find A Funny Joke, We Post It Today
February 11th, 2010 — Adult Jokes, Joke, Jokes for Men, Jokes for Women
A professor at the University of North Carolina was giving a lecture on “Involuntary Muscular Contractions” to his first year medical students.
Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, “Do you know what your asshole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?
She replied, “Probably deer hunting with his buddies.”
It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.
February 5th, 2010 — Adult Jokes, Funny, Jokes for Men, Jokes for Women, Little Johnny
Little Johnnie’s neighbor had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie’s family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie’s dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.
His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby’s missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnnie looked in the crib he said,
‘What a beautiful baby.’
The mother said, ‘Why, thank you, Johnnie.
Johnnie said, ‘He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see alright?’
Yes’, the mother replied, ‘we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.’
‘That’s great’, said Little Johnnie, ‘coz he’d be fucked if he needed glasses’.
February 2nd, 2010 — Adult Jokes, Funny, Jokes for Men, Jokes for Women, Senior Jokes
Defence Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady:
I am 76 years old.
Defence Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defence Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defence Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady:
No, I didn’t stop him.
Defence Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 20 years ago.
Defence Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
He began to touch my breasts.
Defence Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady:
No, I certainly did not!
Defence Attorney:
Why ever not?
Little Old Lady:
His touching made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!
Defence Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
Well, I was feeling so ’spicy’ that I just laid down and told him ‘Take me, young man. Take me now!’
Defence Attorney:
Did he take you?
Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, April Fool’ and that’s when I shot him, the little bastard.