He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda’s eyes were now open and she looked very strange.

He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.

A biscuit dough canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains.

She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.

Linda is a blonde, a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence.

The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and the expiration date was from 2008, so it was determined to be Bush’s fault.–

God Bless
America!

So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through.”

The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, “We areexpecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park….” Then the electric power went out.

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?”

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time.”

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”

The blonde opened his lunch and said, ” Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.”

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman’s wife was weeping. She said, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!”

The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”

(Oh this is GOOD!)

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife. The blonde’s wife said,

“Don’t look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch.’”

A blonde already sitting on the bus saw the man enter and kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pants.

After many such glances from her, the man finally looked at the blonde lady and said, “It’s golf balls.”

The blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally asked… “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”

She said, ‘I have some really great news!’

I said, ‘Great. Tell me why you’re so happy.’

She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant! I knew she’d been trying for a while so I told her, ‘That’s great! I couldn’t be happier for you!’

Then she said, ‘There’s more!’

I asked, ‘What do you mean there’s more?’

She said, ‘Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!’ Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.

.

.

.

She said….. ‘Well, that was the easy part. I went to Sam’s Club and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack.
Both tests came out positive!

I thought that maybe if I acted “CRAZY” then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made Funny noises.
My co-worker (who’s blonde) asked me, what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was “CRAZY” and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked “What are you doing?” I told him I was a light bulb.

He said “You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days”.

I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her”…And where do you think you’re going?”

(You’re gonna love this….keep going)

She said, “I’m going home too. I can’t work in the DARK!

“Hi, Susie,” he said, “how do you like your new phone?”

Susie replied, “I just love it! It’s so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there’s one thing I don’t understand though…”

“What’s that, sweetie?” asked her husband.

“How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?”