Todays No Joke: Remembering Falling in Love At Christmas

A couple were Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed.

As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around. She was upset because they had a lot to do and she was quite worried so she called him on her cell phone.

In a calm voice, the husband said, “Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about five years ago – where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford then and I told you that I would get it for you one day?”

The wife choked up, and started to cry. She said, “Yes, I remember that jewelry store.”

He said, “Well, I’m in the bar right next to it.”


Wuz de nite befo Crimmus
An’ all ober de hood
ereybody wuz sleepin’
Dey wuz sleepin’ good.

All o’ de fambily
Wuz layin’ in de beds
While Ripple and Thunderbird
Dance tru dey heads.

I passed out in de flo
Right next to my maw
When I heard sech a fuss, I thunk
“It must be de law!”

I looked out thru de bars
What covered my doe
Spectin’ de sheriff
Wif a warrant fo sho!

And what did I see?
I said, “Lawd, look atdat!”
Ther’ wuz a huge watta-melon
Pulled by giant warf rats!

Now ober all de years
Sanna Claus, he be white
But, looks like us bros
Gets a black Sanna dis night.

Faster dan a po’lees car;
My home boy, he came.
He whupped on dem warf rats
And called dem by name!

On Leroy, on ‘lonzo,
And on Willie Lee,
On Saphire, on Chenequa;
Dey wuz a site to see!

As he landed dat watta-melon
Out der in de skreet
I knowed fo sho
Da damndest site I ebber did see!

He didn’t go down no chimbley;
He picked da lock on my doe!
And I sez to myself,
“Shit, he done dis befoe!”

He had dis big bag
Full of prezents i spect
Wid Jordans and fake gold
To wear roun my neck.

But he left no good prezents;
just started stealin’ my shit.
Got my drugs, got my guns,
Even got my burglar’s kit!

Wit my stuff in de bag
Out da window he flewed
I woulda tried to catch him
But he stole my knife too!

He jumped on dat watta-melon
An’whipped out a switch
He wuz gone in a secon’,
dat sonuvabitch!

Next year I be hopin’
Anutha Sanna we git
Cuz diz here Sanna Claus
Just ain’t werf a shit!

Christmas Cookie Recipe

This is the best recipe I have ever seen! Read the entire thing!

Christmas Cookie Recipe

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Crown Royal

Sample the Crown Royal to check quality.

Take a large bowl, check the Crown Royal again, to be sure it is of
the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer…Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy

Add one teaspoon of sugar…Beat again.

At this point it’s best to make sure the Crown Royal is still OK, try
another cup.. Just in case.

Turn off the mixer thingy.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit off floor…

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with
a Dewscriver.

Sample the Crown Royal to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something…. Who giveshz a sheet.

Check the Crown Royal.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of AR, or somefink…. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window.

Finish the bottle of Crown Royal.

Make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

Cherry Mistmas