Elderly Golfer – ALERT This An Adult Themed Joke

Elderly Golfer

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the 19th hole.
 As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign over the bar that reads:
COLD BEER: $3.00
HAMBURGER: $5.00
CHEESEBURGER: $6.00
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $6.50
HAND-JOB: $25.00
 
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary cash, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons the attractive bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.  
She glides down the bar to the old golfer.
“Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. “May I help you sir?”
The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers,
“Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?
She looks into his wrinkled eyes, and with a wide smile purrs, “Yes sir, I certainly am.”
The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly,
“Well then, be sure to wash your hands really well, because I want the cheeseburger.”

Senior Italian Golfers

Silvio, an 80-year-old Italian
goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the
guy is in and asks, ‘how do you stay in such great physical condition?’


I’m Italian and I am a golfer,’ says Silvio, ‘and that’s why I’m
in such good shape. I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the
fairways.

I have a glass of vino, and all is well.’
“‘Well’ says the doctor, ‘I’m sure that helps, but there’s
got to be more to it. How old was your Father when he died?
“Who said he was dead?”
The doctor is amazed. ‘You mean you’re 80 years old and your
Father’s still alive. How old is he?’

‘He’s 100 years old,’ says Silvio. ‘In fact he golfed with me
this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little
vino and that’s why he’s still alive. He’s Italian and he’s a golfer, too.’

‘Well,’ the doctor says, ‘that’s great, but I’m sure there’s
more to it than that. How about your Father’s Father? How old was he when he
died?’

‘Who said my Nonno’s dead?’

Stunned, the doctor asks, ‘you mean you’re 80 years old andyour
grandfather’s still living! Incredible, how old is he?’

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‘He’s 118 years old,’ says the Old Italian golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point,
‘So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning, too?’

‘No, Nonno couldn’t go this morning because he’s getting married
today.’

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. ‘Getting
married? Why would a 118 year- old guy want to get married?’

‘Who said he wanted to?

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No Joke – One Hole Behind

joke, golf joke A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course.

Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request.

She said, “I’m on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole.”

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar.

He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and! said, “Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession. I’m in sales, also. What do you sell?”

She replied, “If I tell you, you’ll laugh.”

“No, I won’t.”

“Well, if you must know,” she answered, “I work for Tampax.”

With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath.

She said, “See I knew you would laugh.”

“That’s not what I’m laughing at,” he replied. “I’m a salesman for Preparation H, so I’m still a hole behind you!