Entries Tagged 'Golf Jokes' ↓

A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off
and enjoying a round of golf.

The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing.
He missed the ball entirely and said “Shit, I missed.”

The good Sister told him to watch his language.

On his next swing, he missed again. “Shit, I missed.”

“Father, I’m not going to play with you if you keep swearing,”
the nun said tartly..

The priest promised to do better and the round continued.

On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed.

Sister is really mad now and says, “Father John, God is going to
strike you dead if you keep swearing like that.”

On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again.
“Shit, I missed.”

A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes
out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks.

And from the sky comes a booming voice ……

“Shit, I missed.”

Three guys are golfing with the club pro. First guy tees off and hits a
dribbler about 60 yards. He turns to the pro and says, “What did I do
wrong?” The pro says, “Loft.”

The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods.
He asks the pro, “What did I do wrong?” The pro says “Loft.”

The third guy tees off and hits a slice into a pond. He asks the pro,
“What did I do wrong?” The pro says “Loft.”

As they’re walking to their balls, the first guy finally speaks up. He
says to the pro, “The three of us hit completely different tee shots,
and
when we asked you what we did wrong you answered the same exact answer
each time. What is loft?”

The pro says, “Lack of f _ _ _ing talent.”

The Ten Laws of Golf
=====================

1. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share
his ideas about the golf swing.

2. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule
is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

3. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course
is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a
very large tree.

4. There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces
just the way you meant to play it.

5. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make
two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the
universe.

6. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not
yours.

7. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the sand trap,
your ball is in the sand trap.

8. If both balls are in the sand trap, yours is in the
footprint.

9. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your
mind during your swing.

10. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot
is actually the beginning of the next group of three.