HOW TO SELL TOOTHBRUSHES

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”

“Very good,” said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:

“I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.”

“Very good, Jenny,” said the teacher..

Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn.

The teacher held her breath …

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467,” he said.

“$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?”

“Toothbrushes,” said Little Johnny.

“Toothbrushes!” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?”

“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Johnny, “I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample.”

They all said the same thing, “Hey, this tastes like dog shit!”

Then I would say,”It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?”

“I used the governmental approach of giving you something shitty for free, and then making you pay to get the shitty taste out of your mouth.”

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer
cooler. One nun said to the other, “Wouldn’t a nice cool beer or two
taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?”

The second nun answered “Indeed it would Sister, but I wouldn’t feel
comfortable buying beer as I am certain that it would cause a scene at
the check-out counter.”

“I can handle that without a problem” she replied as she picked up a
six-pack and headed for the check-out.

The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived
with a six-pack of beer.

“We use beer for washing our hair” the nun said, “A shampoo, of sorts, if
you will.” Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled
out a package of pretzel sticks and placed them in the bag with the beer.

He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said, “The curlers
are on the house.”

Brian
invited his mother over for dinner. During the
course of the meal, Brian’s mother couldn’t help
but notice how beautiful Brian’s roommate,
Jennifer was. Brian’s Mom had long been
suspicious of the platonic relationship between
Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her
more curious.

Over the course of the
evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between
Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.

Reading his mom’s thoughts, Brian
volunteered, ‘I know what you must be thinking,
but I assure you Jennifer and I are just
roommates.’

About a week later, Jennifer
came to Brian saying, ‘Ever since your mother came
to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful
silver gravy ladle. You don’t suppose she took it,
do you?’

Brian said, ‘Well, I doubt
it, but I’ll send her an e-mail just to be sure.
So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mom,

I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the
gravy ladle from the house, I’m not saying that
you ‘did not’ take the gravy ladle. But the fact
remains that one has been missing ever since you
were here for dinner.

Love,
Brian

Several
days later, Brian received an email back from
his mother that read:

Dear Son,

I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with
Jennifer, I’m not saying that you ‘do not’ sleep
with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if
Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would
have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love,
Mom

Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, “It reminded me of a peanut.”

Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally’s Mom asked, “Really small, was it?”

Sally replied,

“No… Salty.”

The clerk pulled up the file and read; “The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they’re ready for the gynecologist’s examination.”

“The annual salary is $65,000, and you’ll have to go to Cincinnati, OH, that’s about 550 miles from here.”

“Good grief, is that where the job is?”

“No sir — that’s where the end of the line is right now.”

“Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!”

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night.”

She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”

John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”

She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”

If you get an email titled “Nude photo of Nancy Pelosi,” don’t open it.

It contains a nude photo of Nancy Pelosi.

‘Twenty dollars’ she whispers.  Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it’s only twenty bucks so they hide in the bushes.
They’re ‘engaged’ for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It is a police officer.

‘What’s going on here, people?’ Asks the officer.
‘I’m making love to my wife!’ Bubba answers sounding annoyed.

‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ says the cop, ‘I didn’t know’

‘Well, neither did I, till ya shined that damn light in her face!’

A couple were both 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to live a good life because they watched their pennies.

One day, their good health could not save them, when they went on a rare vacation and they were both killed in a terrible auto accident, sending them off to Heaven.

As they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter escorted them inside.  He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath.  A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.

They gasped in astonishment when St. Peter said, “Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.

The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

“Why, nothing,” Peter replied, “Remember, this is your reward in Heaven.”

The old man looked out the window and there he saw a beautiful championship golf course, better then anything he had seen on Earth.

“What are the greens fees?” grumbled the old man.

“This is heaven,” St. Peter replied, “You can play for free, every day.”

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, and free flowing beverages.

“Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?,” he asked.  “That’s the best part,” St. Peter replied, “You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!”

The old man then ask, “No gym to work out at?”  “Not unless you want to,” was the answer.

“No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..”  “Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.”

The old man glared at his wife and said, “You and your fuckin’ bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!”

KINDA BRINGS A TEAR TO YOUR EYE DOESN’T IT?