Entries Tagged 'Jokes for Women' ↓

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said……

“Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!”

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night.”

She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”

John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”

She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”

INTERNET WARNING:

If you get an email titled “Nude photo of Nancy Pelosi,” don’t open it.

It contains a nude photo of Nancy Pelosi.

A REDNECK was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.

‘Twenty dollars’ she whispers.  Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it’s only twenty bucks so they hide in the bushes.
They’re ‘engaged’ for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It is a police officer.

‘What’s going on here, people?’ Asks the officer.
‘I’m making love to my wife!’ Bubba answers sounding annoyed.

‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ says the cop, ‘I didn’t know’

‘Well, neither did I, till ya shined that damn light in her face!’