A REDNECK was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.

‘Twenty dollars’ she whispers.  Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it’s only twenty bucks so they hide in the bushes.
They’re ‘engaged’ for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It is a police officer.

‘What’s going on here, people?’ Asks the officer.
‘I’m making love to my wife!’ Bubba answers sounding annoyed.

‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ says the cop, ‘I didn’t know’

‘Well, neither did I, till ya shined that damn light in her face!’

A professor at the University of North Carolina was giving a lecture on “Involuntary Muscular Contractions” to his first year medical students.

Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, “Do you know what your asshole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?

She replied, “Probably deer hunting with his buddies.”

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.

Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since they can’t see each other signing, or read lips. After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution.

She writes a note to her husband: ‘Honey, Why don’t we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time.. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times.

The husband thinks this is a great idea. He writes back to his wife; that if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on his penis one time. If she doesn’t want to have sex, pull on his penis two hundred and fifty times.