Fishing with Grandpa – Warning Hilarious Adult Content

An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day. After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, “Grandpa, can I have a cigar?” The old man asks, “Son, can your d*ck touch your asshole?” The young boy says no. “Then u can’t have a cigar.”

Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, “Grandpa, can I have a beer?” The old man asks, “Son, can your d*ck touch your asshole?” The young boy says no. “Well, then u can’t have a beer.”

Another 20 minutes passes, and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips. The old man asks, “Son, can I have some of your chips?” The boy asks, “Well, Grandpa, can your d*ck touch your asshole?” The old man says, “It sure can.”

The boy says, “Well good, then go f*ck yourself, these are my chips.”

Elderly Golfer – ALERT This An Adult Themed Joke

Elderly Golfer

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the 19th hole.
 As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign over the bar that reads:
COLD BEER: $3.00
HAMBURGER: $5.00
CHEESEBURGER: $6.00
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $6.50
HAND-JOB: $25.00
 
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary cash, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons the attractive bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.  
She glides down the bar to the old golfer.
“Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. “May I help you sir?”
The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers,
“Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?
She looks into his wrinkled eyes, and with a wide smile purrs, “Yes sir, I certainly am.”
The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly,
“Well then, be sure to wash your hands really well, because I want the cheeseburger.”

A Pleasant Surprise

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the window seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston.”

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I’ve learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba”.