The Love Dress

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son’s house. She knocked on
the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her
daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was
playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

“What are you doing?!” she asked.

“I’m waiting for Mike to come home from work,” the daughter-in- law
answered.

“But you’re naked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed.

“This is my love dress,” the daughter-in-law explained.

“Love dress? But you’re naked!”
“Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress,” she explained.” It
excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he
instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He
can’t get enough of me”

The mother-in-law left.

When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume,
dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch,
waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came
home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“This is my love dress,” she whispered sensually.

“Needs ironing,” he said. “What’s for dinner?

He never heard the gunshot.

1How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it.

Why do women fake orgasms ?

Because they think men care.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
you done wrong?

Made her chain too long

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never
be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It’s one of those ‘evolutionary things’ that allows them to stand closer to
the kitchen sin k.

Why do men pass gas more than women?

Because women can’t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
the front door, who do you let in first ?

The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive
by 90%..

It’s called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

A REDNECK was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.

‘Twenty dollars’ she whispers.  Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it’s only twenty bucks so they hide in the bushes.
They’re ‘engaged’ for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It is a police officer.

‘What’s going on here, people?’ Asks the officer.
‘I’m making love to my wife!’ Bubba answers sounding annoyed.

‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ says the cop, ‘I didn’t know’

‘Well, neither did I, till ya shined that damn light in her face!’