A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. “Human beings are the only animals that stutter,” she says.
A little girl raises her hand. “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.”
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
“Well,” she began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!”
“That must’ve been scary,” said the teacher.
“It sure was,” said the little girl.
“My kitty raised her back, went ‘Ffffff!, Ffffff!, Fffffff,’ but before she could say ‘FUCK’ the Rottweiler ate her!”
The teacher had to leave the room.
Socially Unacceptable Humor ( If you think these are bad …don’t ask me to publish the ones I deleted)
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said “You’re pulling my leg.”
Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said, “You’re obviously not listening”.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.
At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa!!!
One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells. It appears that “Mexicans” is not the correct answer either.
A buddy of mine just told me he’s getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said “How can you tell them apart?” He said “Her brother’s got a mustache.”
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, “I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled.” To which she replied, “No, it’s regular-people porn, you sick bastard.