A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he’d given her.

Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.

After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly

showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends.

He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big

brass gong and a mallet.

‘What’s up with the big brass gong?’ one of the guests asked.

‘It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock,’ the drunk replied.

‘A talking clock? Seriously?’ asked his astonished friend.

‘Yup,’ replied the drunk.

‘How’s it work?’ the friend asked, squinting at it.

‘Watch,’ the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the

gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. .

The three stood looking at one another for a moment…….

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,

‘You asshole! It’s three-fifteen in the morning!

Little Johnny understands the program and will do well as a capitalist.

HOW TO SELL TOOTHBRUSHES

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”

“Very good,” said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:

“I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.”

“Very good, Jenny,” said the teacher..

Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn.

The teacher held her breath …

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467,” he said.

“$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?”

“Toothbrushes,” said Little Johnny.

“Toothbrushes!” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?”

“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Johnny, “I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample.”

They all said the same thing, “Hey, this tastes like dog shit!”

Then I would say,”It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?”

“I used the governmental approach of giving you something shitty for free, and then making you pay to get the shitty taste out of your mouth.”